Kory A is pissed off

By Kory Allen

(Editor’s note: the original post from K-money can be found here)

Last year, Tony Gentilcore wrote this amazing post … while on an airplane. Although I could as well be writing this from the comfort of my toilet seat, mine will continue where he left off: clearing up some of the bogusness that is currently plaguing the “fitness” industry.

TONE, TONE, TONE

Should only be used when talking about printer cartridges, colours, music and the way in which someone speaks to you. Other than that, I don’t want to hear that word in the gym.

My ears burn every time I hear it and it gives me horrific visions of middle-aged men and women standing on BOSU balls curling 5lb pink dumbbells, simultaneously barking that
it’s “functional”.

Please, no…more.

“Functional” training on the left, pure bad ass on the right. Hoping you now know which one to aspire too.

ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN OMEGA J!

                    OMG, NO MO OMJ PLZ!

I realize this won’t ever change because, hey, it makes the food sell.

But seriously, advertising that juice and other crappy ass food has omega 3’s in it is as bullshit as someone giving you money… in the form of 3 pennies. The stuff is more burden then aid in the quest for badassery.

Come to think of it, you shouldn’t be drinking juice  in the first place, but it still pisses me off. The 0.1g they put per serving in these things is RIDICULOUS! That’s total omega 3’s too, not including DHA and EPA, the stuff you SHOULD be concerned with.

They add a drop…nay, a molecule of DHA and EPA and can claim that “it has omega 3s and is awesome for you”.

Sorry people, I hate to burst your bubble but DON’T buy this crap!

Not only juice, but anything else claiming omega 3 content likely is as good for you as chewing nails for breakfast. Stick to wild salmon, fish oil tabs, flax seeds, free-range eggs (which naturally have higher omega 3s than their farmed counterparts) and walnuts.

100 Calorie Packs of Crap

                               Just say no.

Food companies who advertise “snack pack” sizes and “only 100 calories!” packaged trash have gotten smart. They give you less and charge you more.

But it’s the people that buy these things that REALLY bug me…

“It’s only 100 calories Kory! It’s like a tiny tiny snack!”

or

“I’m doing portion control!”

After someone says one of the above and other painstaking lines, ask:

“What’s the difference between a small pile of crap and a large pile of crap?”

Answer: The size (duh) but in the end they are piles of crap that nobody wants!

Want portion control? Eat more fruits and vegetables. There’s TONS of fibre and nutrients that people deprive themselves of. Hell, even a tablespoon of nut butter is a 100 calories…go for that instead!

These options fill you up longer than the 100 calorie cheeto pack that hits your bloodstream only 10 seconds after the first bite. And yes, this isn’t just for cheetos but anything that exclaims 100 calories only!

That orange bean (err…) shaped toxin you call “portion control”

“But it hits my obliques, Bro!”

A & B: 2 Step instruction to a disc herniation

If I had a pound of lean muscle mass on my frame for every person I see doing some version of
these,

1. I’d not only be the biggest, baddest mother on the planet

But also,

2. I would be able to destroy Chuck Norris.

True story.

Kory A is a bad mother. Learn how to be one yourself.

My spine hurts when I see people doing these in the gym. The obliques function are NOT to help bend your lumbar spine in half like a panzerotti. The obliques function to support your spine; buttressing torsional forces, creating hoop-stresses, aiding in breathing and helping create proximal stiffness to make movement more effective (McGill, 2007).

Find me one example of sport where you constantly bend your spine like a woodpecker. On the other hand, if you don’t bend and hold a weight in a neutral posture, this challenges your obliques without folding your spine like an accordion.

Exercises like side bridges, suitcase deadlifts, farmer’s walks and “stir” the pot are much more effective ways at challenging the core, while increasing athleticism and decreasing risk of injury. Refer to Dr. Stuart McGill’s Ultimate back fitness & performance, so I no longer have to witness these tragic movements.

One last thing about side bends: I can’t help but think that people actually believe they are trimming the fat off their love handles doing these.

My advice? Eat meat, vegetables, nuts and fruits.

That love handle fat may actually vacate for once.

References:

McGill, Stuart. (2009). Ultimate Back Fitness & Performance. (4th Edition). Waterloo, Canada. Backfitpro Inc..

What pisses you off the most about ‘fitness’? What monstrosities have you witnessed in the gym? Comment below and tell us!

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Kory A is pissed off

  1. Food misconceptions are by far the scariest facet of popular ‘knowledge’ these days… working on eliminating common (incorrect) thought processes like the ones you list in the article is a good starting place for overall health development. If only this info could get out to the people that need it, instead of the ones who are likely are healthy (ie reading fitness articles)… for that reason, I’ll share it 🙂

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